"I WISH I AM IN THE PAST"
there is many things i wish i didn't do ,didn't say or even look a glance .the previous mistake ,it can be small as the ant or big as an elephant but nothing can compare to the regretful feeling i had tightly in my chest now.let say ,when you were younger ,you were such a very stubborn and rebel kid .you had a wild party with your-so-cool-friends ,you got drunk and pass out on that very night. you mad as hell when your parents grounded and locked you in your room for your misbehave .you get so high ,when the person you admire the most ask you out for a date without knowing he did the same to your friends .you lie to a person who was being supernice to you ,just to be in popular-girl-circle .then ,you let yourself to be such a stupid ,as long as you are in .
it may sound familiar ,right ?
yeah ,it seem familiar to me ,you ,her ,him and they .teenager year ,was the toughest one ,yet the feeling to explore everything came across our mind .we want to look cool ,we want to wear those racy clothes just to feel sexy ,we want to put those dolly make up like we saw on celebrities ,then we felt ugly and angry when it never look pretty as it should .but once we was so stupid ,trying so hard to let others know that we had a growing process from kids to a more mature one .as if ,they don't understand what we want them to see ,instead they already know rightly before us ever think about it .
then ,when i turn 21 ,i started to think what i've had done in the past was quite ridiculous and out of the box .it may come to a thousand sigh ,but there is nothing i can do to fix things up or even say sorry to myself and the people i hurt .because it takes a while ,to realize how bad things will turn out if i done this and that .by this time ,i just wanna scream that "i wish i wasn't myself right now and i wish i could be her now who had a great man beside her ,whom working so hard at the beginning just to be as lucky as she is now " .
i still learn to love myself, cause i feel dumb .